Friday, October 27, 2006

The Indian and the Coins

There's this dude who is my best friend but he doesn't know it. We are so different yet so alike. Peeps all around don't understand him and why he does the things he does. I do.

My friend and i have very different view points on life sometimes. He sees things that i dont see. Maybe it comes down to where we went for nursery school.

He likes women with flesh on them. And he appreciates the beauty of a woman first before he goes to things like what does she think about the USE and the few companies that are listed so far. He stops in the middle of a sentence and stares (yes, STARES) at a fleshy Nubian Queen.

He always explans it away as the Question of the Indian and the Coins.

Mbu there was this indian who lefft the jungle and came to the city. He was able to hear the birds sing in the middle of the metropolis while his host thought that was utter hogwash. To illustrate the point that we are different and see or hear what we want, he pulled out these coins and threw them into the air. As they landed, time came to a stop. Everyone stopped and looked around. Indian dude had made his point.

When i look at females, i'm not looking at the booty, not to say they are not attractive from that angle but because i am conditioned to look deeper. I think. My friend, he flirts alot and he is the soul of the party. But we are like one and the same.

Maybe one day, i will grow up and see that it all comes down to the mating game; y'know, "Me Tarzan, you Jane let's make a little monkey."

Friday, October 20, 2006

I don't usually do this but Snider is just too ill...

You have prolly seen this before but everytime i read it, i can't stop myself from breaking a funny bone.

Clash of the Titanic

by Eric D. Snider

Many of you have seen the film "Titanic," which is about a great big
boat that sank like a thousand years ago that for some reason everyone
is just now getting worked up about. Some of you -- I am speaking to
the women here -- have seen this movie several times. And I would like
to know why. Have the principles of film-making not been adequately
explained to you, so you think there's a chance the movie will end
differently if you see it again? Do you think this is a "Choose Your
Own Adventure" movie? Because it's not. No matter how many times you
see it, the boat is going to sink, and the same people are going to
die, including the guy who falls and whacks his noggin on the railing
on the way down. I think this movie is entirely too long. The actual
sinking of the Titanic took only four hours; the movie is easily three
times that long. (Note to reader : From the following choices, select
the "this-movie-is-too- long" line you like best and go with it.) A.
Savings bonds have matured in less time than it takes to watch this
movie. B. Many marriages do not last as long as this movie. C. I had
to shave twice during this movie. D. Three Eastern European nations
(Izikikstan, Checher, and Kudropabian) were formed while I was
watching this movie.

As a public service, then, I am offering my much-shortened
screenplay which some ambitious film-maker can feel free to use as the
script for a shorter version of "Titanic." All I want in return is a
lot of money.

(Scene 1)

KATE WINSLET: Why, this is a fancy boat, isn't it?

KATE'S WEASELLY FIANCE: Yes it certainly is. Here is the art you asked
for. It is by an artist named "Picasso." I am certain he will
amount to nothing.

KATE: Ha ha ha. That is very funny to our '90s audience, because of
course Picasso later amounted to quite a bit, after this boat

LEONARDO DICAPRIO: Hello, I'm Leonardo DiCaprio. Perhaps you have seen
the many Internet sites dedicated to the worship of me. You are
very pretty.

KATE: Thank you. So are you.

LEONARDO: I know. Prettier than you, in fact. I am going to put on my
"brooding" face now, to ensure that women will keep coming back
again and again to see this movie. Later, my white shirt will be
soaking wet.

KATE: While you're doing that, I will concentrate on standing here and
looking pretty, to keep the men in the audience interested until
the boat sinks and people start dying.

WEASELLY FIANCE: Excuse me. I do not like you, Leonardo, even though you
saved my fiancee's life. I am going to sneer at you and treat you
like dirt because you're poor, and then I'll probably be
physically abusive to my fiancee, and then, just to make sure the
audience really hates me, and to make sure my character is
entirely one-dimensional, perhaps I'll throw an elderly person
into the water.

AUDIENCE: Boo! We hate you! Even though all real people have at least a
few admirable qualities, we have not been shown any of yours, and
plus, you're trying to come between Leonardo and Kate, and so
therefore we hate you! Boo! (Even though technically it is
Leonardo who is coming between you and Kate. But Leonardo is
handsomer than you, even though he is only 13, so we are on his
side. Boo!)

(Scene 2)

LEONARDO: I'm glad we snuck away like this so that you could cheat on
your fiance.

KATE: So am I. Even though I am engaged to him and have made a
commitment to marry him, that is no reason why you and I cannot
climb into the backseat of a car and steam up the windows together.
The fact that I am the heroine of the movie will no doubt help
the cattle-like audience forgive me of this, though they would
probably be VERY angry indeed if my fiance were to do the same
thing to me.

AUDIENCE: Darn straight we would! Moo! We mean, Boo!

LEONARDO: I agree. First I would like to draw you, though, so of course
you will have to take off all your clothes.

KATE: But can a movie with five minutes of continuous nudity be at all
successful in, say, Provo, Utah, where the audiences might not
stand for that sort of thing?

LEONARDO: I would be willing to bet that for the first three weeks the
film is in release, every single showing at Wynnsong Theater in
Provo will sell out.

NARRATOR: According to Wynnsong manager Matt Palmer, that is exactly
what happened.

KATE: All right, then. (sound of clothes hitting the floor)

(Scene 3)

FIRST MATE: Captain, we're about to hit an iceberg.

CAPTAIN: Great, I could use some ice for my drink. (sound of drinking)

ICEBERG: (hits boat)

FIRST MATE: That can't be good.

CAPTAIN: Bottoms up!

AUDIENCE: (silence)

FIRST MATE: That was irony, you fools.

AUDIENCE: Baa! Moo! Where's Leonardo?

(Scene 4)

LEONARDO: I have been informed that this boat is sinking.

KATE: That is terrible.

LEONARDO: Would you like to engage in some more immoral-but-justified

KATE: Certainly.

WEASELLY FIANCE: Excuse me, I --


WEASELLY FIANCE: (aside) I'm getting the raw end of the deal here. (to
Leonardo) Listen, Leonardo, to cement my
morally-dubious-yet-somehow-less-annoying-than-you personality,
I am going to handcuff you to this pipe, here in a room that will
soon be filling with water, due to the fact that we are sinking,
which I believe has been mentioned previously.

LEONARDO: Why don't you just shoot me?

WEASELLY FIANCE: Because then you wouldn't be able to escape and save
Kate from me. Of course, you're going to die anyway--

AUDIENCE: Don't spoil it for us! Boo!

LEONARDO: He's right, though. I am doomed.

AUDIENCE: Aww, look how cute he is when he's doomed.

WEASELLY FIANCE: I hate you people.

(Scene 5)

150-YEAR-OLD KATE: And that's when Leonardo rescued me from my evil
fiance and helped me float on a board in the water. Of course, if
it hadn't been for having to rescue HIM, I could have gotten on
an actual lifeboat, and not frozen my legs nearly off. Anyway,
he's pretty much dead now, and I'm well over a thousand years
old, and who's making my supper? I need a bath. Turn down that
Enya music, it's making my ears hurt. You kids today, with your
loud music. Why, when I was -- hey! Don't you walk away from
me, Mr. Snooty- Patootie! I'd turn you over my knee, if I had
one. I'll beat you in the head with this huge diamond! Come back

(Fade to black; roll credits; play annoying Celine Dion song.)

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

New direction

Things are looking up, it seems. For the last two weeks, i've been chasing like a million things and i know the dangers in that. Being a master of nothing is the least.

But two weeks ago, some dude called me up on my cell and told me to meet him. Someone in the industry had told him about me and what i can do.This person had also told him that i am freelancing and i could be a good choice.

Well, i am thinking it is a good thing i agreed to the terms. As of now, i am not unemployed anymore. I can now do everything my professor R.T Kiyosaki always stressed- Keep your day job, stupid! You can run around doing everything else on the side but keep something regular.

I know it's more exciting to put all eggs in one basket. The fun is in watching that basket. But at the moment, I am taking on a lot of other things that call for stability.

I think the new dimension couldn't have come at a better time. Privately, i have been trying to look at doing things on my own so i will be my own boss. That way, i can set my own time and hours.And i can blog more.

Will tell y'all more.

Thursday, October 05, 2006

Aisha Nabukeera

The latest child to be abused, the one the media is loving documenting is Aisha Nabukeera. If you have not seen her yet, then you should be watching more TV. In fact, you should watch more Drake Sekkeba.

The 13 year old was burnt in the most horrific way. Story is that the dress she had on some time back at the beginning of the year was set ablaze. Since it was one of those hijab things, it was not very easy to get off her and by the time helpers managed to do this, she had already been burnt badly.

It is said the girl accused her step mom. She had gone to visit her dad, who lives with said step. It was almost the end of the holidays. Aisha told the police that she was forced to wear the dress which had been dipped in fuel and then the woman set it ablaze.

Watching Vvumbula, I got the impression that there are many people who have been following this case. I also understood that emotions are still raw and Drake is not making matters any better with his insinuations that nothing is being done by the police.

He had the Police Commissioner on his show and he tried as much as possible to grill him. The Commish was there to take all the flack for the evil that’s cops all around the country and the world do. The police are very corrupt; they only think of kickbacks, they always side with the criminals…

My aunt and the two helps at home were also throwing in their opinions, even if the Commish couldn’t hear. They tried to do their Nancy Drew stunts in the living room and after thinking about the matter (not the facts) for the whole of maybe two seconds, they decided that the step mom and the police were really evil and they deserved the chair or something to that effect.

That kid is a sorry sight. Anyone who can do such a thing to a child should be thrown in the hottest district in Beirut with a tag on their shirt that says they are Jews from Israel. That would be punishment well deserved. But we also have to realize that this here is not a two year old.

If a two year old said something like that, it would be easy to believe them but for a 13 year old, I think investigations should go on. We live in an age where kids are enlightened. They have been told that step mothers are supposed to be evil and they are always thinking up ways to harm them. But the kids are also thinking of ways to harm the steps back. A kid of 13 can lie, even with ghastly burns. That’s all I’m saying.

I tried to put it to the people at home that there was a possibility that the accused step is innocent after all, that is why the police is taking its time. It wouldn’t be right to arrest the woman and lock her up because the kid says she burnt her up. There are witnesses who’ve disputed the girl’s story and that gives step mom a chance.

She might be the evil witch that she’s been accused of being. But the flip side is also possible. She could be an innocent caught in the headlights. I tried to make my people understand that the police work according to procedure. They are not supposed to act the way people acted recently in Mukono when they killed an innocent woman because they thought she was an evil spirit.

But again, this country is one of the most beautiful places in the world. It’s beauty is in even these things that boggle the mind.