Moved house

Was nice while it lasted, thank you maám.

going over to http://detoxcenter.wordpress.com/

Great people.

Racism boils beneath

(I have been trying to post this since yestrday).

Yesterday, just as I started a new post, news started trickling in that there was trouble in town. The peaceful demo against the give away of Mabira Forest had gone awry.

I decided to wait and see how it’d unfold. It did. Badly.

Running battles, dead people who’d assured their wives at home that this time, it was safe coz the police chief had been quoted just the previous day saying that there wouldn’t be any trouble.

Now, three innocent people are dead.

This is not a post where I lay blame. Don’t have the strength to do that.

Just trying to imagine, though I can’t, what people of Asian extract are feeling right now. All the shops that belong to Indians’ in town, the one’s I know of anyway, are closed. I gues there’s going to be heavy traffic out of the country at the airport this weekend.

I shudder to think that most of the people on the streets are not feeling any remorse. How can we look at the Rwandans and say they are savage after 1994 when we are displaying the same traits?

I know, most of the people who threw the stones’ that ended the life of the unfortunate guy in the black shirt were part of the ‘led,’ not the instigators. But have we no shame? How do you pick a rock and cast it at the head of a HUMAN being, knowing well that it could end his life, will end his life?

Yesterday, we showed ourselves for who we really are; we are a racist lot and when we go to the USA and get Rodney King’d we should just shut it. The events also exposed the danger we are in. We live on the brink of madness, just as the Tutsis in Rwanda lived with killers next to them yet they exchanged gifts at Christmas and invited them into their houses for their children’s birthdays.

I saw a TV presenter yesterday who, in the middle of his show, said almost as an afterthought that we should observe a moment of silence for the “Bayindi who lost their lives,” this with a smirk on his face.

I heard two chicks laughingly saying they wished the mob had gone for their Indian bosses and beaten the crap outta them.

And the president must have not heard the full extent of the chaos when he made those arrogant remarks while at the VP’s home. He was making light of a situation that some people will inevitably pin on him.

The only one who might breath more easily in this maelstrom is the VP. At least the Red Pepper might give him a break after all.

Don’t you just hate it when Blogger just wont open when you click Blog This!?

The anointed of the Lord

When the noise dies down, the big man will probably rise up and see about answering us. See we are all just proles. That is the biggest mistake we made when we had to choose between being big and being just normal, we played with our chances. We blinked and missed it. So now we have to live with that mistake.

The big men don't get there by being all good and pretty. They fight and get muddy all over. They sweat blood and make big sacrifices. That's why it sounds so strange when the proles try to make changes by just talking. You can't cause change by demonstrating. Not in a world gone crazy, where the only way to understand others is the color of blood.

So are we ready for the revolution? Do we need a revolution?

It is said we should not touch the annointed of the lord. God weighs us and gives us the leaders we deserve. So who are we to start fighting over things we are unhappy about? We got ourselves here, no?

There's alot of idle talk. Maybe that's why things never change in this land. The guys up there have gotten used to the fact that we talk and never act.

I don't know...these days i just rumble.

Britney’s brother

He's so lucky, he's a star
But he cry, cry, cries with his lonely heart, thinkin
If theres nothing missing in my life
Then why do these tears come out at night?

He’s used to it. He’s gone through the pain of being misunderstood all his life. From as far back as he can remember, people have treated him like an ornament and he could write a book about it. He won’t. He couldn’t care less.

The world looked around, scratched it’s head and pondered. Then it spotted him and decided that he’d do. So it took him and forcefully pushed him onto the stage. He was placed in a position he was not ready for.

Even without strings to move his arms and feet, he felt like he was a puppet. He was required to play the game the way the world dictated. He had to smile and wow the audience at the appropriate times or woe unto him.

He went through it all. The world gave him a name and looked away, uncaring about his opinion. He had to own the name. He had to be the star. The costume was at his feet, ready to be worn. There was a mega production to perform.

No one noticed that he had a double personality. No one could have thought it was possible.

But he found out that he was happiest when he was himself; the other personality. He was happiest after the curtains had fallen, after the applause had died, after the grimace had faded. His was not a smile, he knew. He was in pain but who cared?

The world is still reeling from the shock. He was caught by the police in a very compromising situation with a MAN in a car just outside his home. Not even his pastors know what to tell the congregation regarding their youth pastor’s conduct.

Now I know my A B C…

A – Ani akumanyi? Hit from Grace, Gatimo and Paragon. I know, its not really the latest beat doing the rounds but, hey, you gotta admit, that song was so Ugandan. I mean, how many peeps do you know who go around doing nothing but brag about what they’ve got. I mean, what their daddy has got?

B – Besigye. I do not know that man, Besigye, I did not have…any dealings with him.

C – Crosshairs. To get in the gun sights of the Americans, let me say this…I know where OSAMA is hiding. The WORLD TRADE CENTRE and 9/11 were inside jobs. The CIA is not all that. I know. Pointless stuff that is neither here nor there. But right now, one bored CIA analyst is reading this blog and will soon be reading all the Ugandan blogs. Man, those guys need to live a little. Life’s not that serious.

D – Disco. Do people still say that? ‘s far as I know, not even in the farthest corner of Ibulanku will you find people saying disco.

E – The Energy Ministry of Uganda. That’s the place to work these days. Its not MTN or Shell or Terp anymore. It is in energy. Y’know, oil…A very high person is out of the country reading oil related studies. And he did something completely different at campus. When he returns, I see him being appointed PS of the yet to be created Ministry of Oil.

F – Fat Boy. James Onen has lived up to his radio moniker. He is larger than life and all those who don’t listen to him in the morning have twisted days.

G – Google. The guys holding onto my millions. Until I get tired with living in dusty Uganda, then I’ll go and take what’s mine. Oh, and they own blogger too.

H – Hot and cold. Ndugu Rugunda and others like him can’t be trusted. One respects them for being principled and they suddenly turn around and kick us in the teeth. When that guy starts talking, you think he can even reason with the president about some things. I don’t even want to remember that stormy day in parliament when he stood there and justified stupidity. Dude! Even a military junta can pull off that stunt at the court (Black Snakes? Black Monkeys? Black Mambas?) with more style. And this is not a military junta.

I – Intelligence. What you get when you read the Ugandan blogosphere. This motley crew is so funny, so witty, so neurotic, you can't leave without being impacted. Every morning, I come here to read what others are thinking and I come away with an idea that I believe makes a difference. Man, they just too many...

J – Justice Ogoola. Guy who enjoys saying huge words the media loves to pick up. Pure hyperbole. But the Black Mambas are not that impressed.

K – Kenya. The home of kenyanchick, Acolyte, Modathi,m and Kibaki. The other country that Ugandans will run to when things get really hot in here. And when they return, they’ll say they’ve been in Iraq. Or Juba.

L – Life Guard. Could be the hunk at the beach or just a simple piece of latex used in Uganda. Play on words.

M – Marriage. A whole new ball game.

N – Njagala k’kumanya. Once upon a time, there was Wipolo. We danced around the pool at Prime Time with Okudi and felt like a billion Museveni dollars. Then came Beera Nange and even the first family started requesting for private performances from Babirye. Now we have Mukama Njagala k’kumanya by Wilson Bugembe and it’s still on TV, not yet at the taxi park but one can see the trend.

O – Letter O. Dumbest song I’ve heard in a long time. And we just love it.

P – Phoenix. As in “Cowboy, never dies/ if he dies never rots/ if he rots, never smells…The writers who always reinvent themselves and wow you all over again. Austin Ejiet, Lilliane Barenzi, David Tumusiime, Brian Magoba, Musaazi Namiti, Phoebe Mutetsi, Tony Owana, Angela Kintu, Nathan Magoola, Esther Namugoji, Emmanuel Senkware, Michael Akiyo, Gwyne Dyer, Angela Kintu, John Grisham…

Q – Quiz. What you go through when you want a new job. Easy questions you’d answer without even thinking in any other setting but when you face the panel, even one of people you know personally, the answers suddenly go AWOL!

R – Reno Raines. The renegade. As in, when you want to take matters into your hands and cause change. When the state comes down on you, you better be ready to go the whole nine yards. Gasiya Tu!

S – S-Club 7 of Uganda. Learnt that from Ernest as he ranted about a hip-hop PAMA (ouch!) won by a certain group back in the day yet they did not know the first thing about hip-hop.

T – Tear Gas. Also called Tiya Gaasi by Bukedde, Uganda’s leading daily. (I don’t think The New Vision sells as many copies. When you go to town in the morning do you find dudes eating katogo while they read their New Vision and wait for the cobbler to shine their shoes? I didn’t think so). Anyway, back to Tiya Gaasi; it’s the latest method through which state violence is metted out. Those who’ve experienced it all say it’s not exactly the best way to spend your weekend in town.

U – Undercover. Also called moonlighting. When you write for every publication in the country and even cross borders. The art of writing with different personalities and your readers can't make the connection.

V – Virus. The little critter has millions dying everyday and we acquire it through the purest, most tricky way. Talking about HIV, stupid.

W – Watoto. Those kids’ testimonies have always sounded corny to me since those ‘Holy Spirit’ filled days at campus. Every time one of them steps forward with a wide smile, I just can’t suppress the feeling that the poor thing has no choice because should he mess up his lines, he’s gonna have a sore butt for days after. But all that vanishes when they start singing. Those kids have voices to die for.

X – Xenson. Strange dude. He’s the guy who goes around spray painting walls in Kampala. Well, he’s the only one I’ve seen doing it. Probably the only one crazy enough to do it. He graduated top of his class but decided he wanted to live according to his own rules. He threw out foreign shirts, pants and shoes and made his own. Oh, and that’s not all, everything that comes into his head, he believes he can do. So he goes out and does it; film, photography, calligraphy, fashion design, Cultural Revolution…dude reminds me of 27th. I can imagine him at his home hollering, “emancipate yourself from mental slavery…”

Y – Yes! That’s Us. The company that employs Don Mugisha, Uganda’s own Steven Spielberg in the making. It made the movie DivizionZ, which was co produced by our very own Nate. They also make fantastic videos. Have you seen Kube, the hit by the East African Bashment Crew?

Z – Zawedde. Sarah Zawedde has come a long way but I bet the journey’s been worth it. There was a time when she was chasing journos to do write-ups on her and we didn’t see anything to write about. With, Kambeere Naawe, see who’s chasing now.

small talk about the weather

Lately, it has been getting really hot in Kampala. Our little office in Kamwokya is becoming an oven. Sometimes I think this is foreshadowing for those who wont be lucky enough to hang with the others and me in heaven after this life.

We are still clinging to the colonial dictates of dressing up like whites; in Uganda, you are not smart unless you are wearing a tie. If you want to see some one pretty quick, the way to beat the front desk management is to wear a tie and look all-important. But that’s beside the point.

Uganda and the rest of the countries in this part of the world are not to blame for what is happening to the climate of this planet. We pollute but we don’t come even halfway what the west does. But that doesn’t mean we are going to keep our Eden intact while the rest of the world burns. Or drowns.We are "of the world" too. It rains on the righteous and the wicked alike, the wacky chick says.

Europe is running scared. The Beeb is doing a yearlong coverage on climate change and the other networks have taken it up. After years of running free, their sins are catching up with them.

And America, the biggest culprit is not wiping the egg off their face. After messing up our climate, producing toys they dont really need, and becoming too rich in the process, they are silent. The Govinator in Cali is calling for a 20% cut on industrial emissions but I think it’s too little too late.

It spells doom for the Arabs and Uganda. Just when we start our jubilations about the discovery of oil, institute a national prayer day where the first lady and her family eloquently thank God for giving us oil,after the big fishes have acquired the most expensive real estate in Uganda at the moment in Bunyoro, western Uganda, oil goes out of fashion.

The next big thing is not oil because oil is one of the biggest problems to the environment. Hybrid cars are already popular in the west and the European Parliament is already pushing for tem to be official policy.

As Ice T's character in the movie Ricochet said, the white people have us by the balls. If we rise to a point where we can make as much money as they do, money will become worthless. Cat shit will be the in-thing. Then they'll make the cats go extinct and only they will have just a few to rule world again. Paraphrasing.

The euwww! moment

I meet this guy; old school mate. I wasn’t close to him back then and we now talk just because we went to the same school.

No one liked him that much actually. I put it down to jealousy ‘cause dude is a ‘bwat,’ as in, a nerd who never gets anything below 75% He was always getting straight As and making everyone else feel like they came to school to grow.

This morning, I am petrified because I realise peeps didn’t like him for other reasons. I found out the hard way.

He sees me in the distance and his face lights up. His pace increases and as he gets near, he sticks his finger in his nose.

No. U didn’t just do that.

Then he grabs for my hand.