The Nerd Squad

After watching hours of gruesome murders and the cool people trying to solve them, I think I might have been cured of the insatiable hunger for series. Been watching too much CSI, I think I can easily chew on a sweet roll and watch as some stiff is being gutted without retching.

Before this, my experience was really limited to the escapades of Mr. Bauer and his sidekick Tony. Before I walked into PG Videos and gave in to the urge to spend, I was content with what I have seen of Soul Food and all the other series. Of course after watching 24 I realised that that kind of high should only be taken in small doses. People still get glazed eyes and TV minds in this year of our Lord twenty zero six.

But I actually liked CSI enough to ignore the warning bells in my head. I could watch it and learn some truths about film as seen from the point of view of America. There is more to David Caruso and his team. There is something about a day show with all the fly babes going by as the police try to solve another homicide. I guess.

It was Mike who said that Horatio Kane takes himself way too seriously. I think that’s true. When he stares down and lifts his head then pushes those bad shades up on his bridge, he is probably thinking, “Eat your heart out Keanu.”

But have you seen that guy’s face as compared to every one else on the show? He looks like a white Justice George Kanyeihamba; you know, dead look, rigor mortis and all. To make matters worse, he has to fight for attention in the looks department with Adam Rodriguez and Emily Proctor.

Its different from 24 in that it calls for more brainpower. There are scenes where the bad guy is frothing at the mouth and trying to justify their sickness and Caruso is staring at them with the contempt that should be accorded to Straka when she gets up on your TV and starts doing that dance of hers, or is it a jig copied from Santa (Ho, ho, ho every one…). But at the back of your head you are thinking that if this were Jack Bauer, this suspect would be like dead on the floor before they can leer.

Do humans always leave that much evidence when they mess up? What are all those hairs doing all over the crime scene? Every time the “Nerd Squad” arrives, they find hairs from the victims and their tormentors. These bad guys are always trying to show off or something? Man, don’t try that if you want to be really bad..

CSI is not meant to be a long series. I think after some time, everyone gets really bored. There is something within me that wants to see someone saved. I want to not know if the vic will die or not. This show is all about what happens when people die. So there is really nothing for me to look forward to. If all the victims die, why do we have superheroes in the first place? This show is bound to be a short one for me.

But you can’t beat those humvees, dude. Those shinny babies are sunny every day. Long live Miami and hot beaches. Even with the morbid ideas that come with the show (they justify it thus: “hey look, kids get murdered every day and all we are doing is putting it on screen”), I can watch that thing if every now and then, they show me one of those beauties. And they know never to walk out on a winning streak, those guys.

But there could be salvation for my interest after all. If there came a time when Kampala got its own version, maybe I could get involved. Right now, CSI could hold water for Savage and Inktus who live in the States. For me in Kampala, it holds as much meaning as Titanic. I remember when all these girls watched Leonardo trying to save Ms. Winslet and all the tears they let down.

CSI Kampala would do that for me, I think because I would identify with the victims down in Kisenyi. I would watch the gruesome murder of a little baby dumped in some bin and I would say to myself, “that could be my niece.”